on the border line seperating reality and dreams

As I write this with my usual cup of hot coffee on a negative temperature sunday morning, I reminiscence the last couple of years until today that I thought was pretty paced, special and perhaps dramatic(?). I post this song which reflects my current mood perfectly. I copy-paste the link and continue to write.



I am hurt, yet I smile. I am not okay, yet I pretend to be. I feel like a crash test dummy that just got bust. I open up my dark side which I had buried long ago. That ME laughs at what I've done to myself, mocks me for everything that I felt and done ever since I put it away. I create and listen to a looping playlist on my phone. I feel better. I think to myself, what the fuck was I even thinking; makes me feel better and I continue to walk. But suddenly, images flash right again, and I stand there still. I try to move, but I can't, like I just witnessed a murder. I look down and see its me who is bleeding. (I swear that is an original line that I just thought of).

Karma is a bitch, bites you back like the razor teeth of a new puppy. I thought I had paid all of mine, I guess it was just the interest and this one was the final lump sum principal. The slate is now clear, be warned that even if karma is on vacation,  it shall be me with the trident.


Whoever the fuck said things are to be liked and people are to be loved, I swear, I shall hunt down the bastard and torture him more than what they show on "Law abiding Citizen". I swear. I lived my life and dealt with people how they were supposed to be treated. Loved dogs, coz they obey, unconditionally love, probably starve to death if you don't feed him, continue to be loyal without any conditions, but never betray the hand that it got fed from.

Images flash again, I can't feel my pulse. I can't breathe. I look up and see my darker side standing, laughing; extending his hand, asking if I want to  let him enter me through the bleeding wound. I hesitate for a bit, for I know this is a one way entry and there's going to be no riddance. So I say to him, sit beside for a while, for I want to remember what this feels like. I want to remember this exact moment, with my blood on my hands and look back at the long trail of blood I've left. And this is shall be the path that I will drag along by the hair the fruits of hatred; what even the cruelest side of karma wouldn't be able to do.

Words can't express how much now I've missed my old self. I had my circle once which I didn't let anybody in. I was an angry boy once, I caused enough permanent damage to things and temporary ones to people. And then came along the decision to replace the silence and anger with a smile. I let people breach my circle. And now I think what a fool I've been to do that. For when you smile and make people happy, when you begin to trust, you let them  in. But least do you realize its a bad virus that just enters and takes down the system. And this is me now, reinstalling my original self for running an anti-virus doesn't completely remove the dirty stains it leaves behind.

This reinstalling might take a while and it might also take a while for me to take the smile off me face, but I shall soon, because I have so much more left to do. I wipe the dust off my diary and look at things that I once had as my priority before replacing  it with people. Its good to lose sometimes; you ask why? For people are more daring when they have nothing to lose.

I have pinched myself to wake up from the dream. I have now woken up.

Adiós

just another day?

I am amazed by the number of patriotic messages and songs being flooded on my twitter and facebook feed up till today. I wonder if this is some sort of contagious syndrome that makes even an incident bastard with a contradictory lifestyle to either post a poorly constructed patriotic message or the obvious clichéd and overused PPT with a catchy background music highlighting our achievements so far.

Back at school, Independence Day was just about singing the national anthem, dressed in white, trying to collect as many sweets as possible and have rest of the day off. Fast forward few years, the ways might have changed but the protocol somehow is pretty much the fucking same. I bet whilst you read this you are cribbing about today being a weekend and that if it was on a weekday, you could've had a day off to hangout at some “happening Mall”.

What do we celebrate this day? Freedom? 62 years into it and a group of culturally challenged demented fucks have the audacity to physically abuse people while they drag them out of a pub in broad daylight. And the justification for their actions? Supposedly because the pub culture is destroying our rich heritage.

They proved to keeping alive our rich old culture of treating women with respect. Whatever happened to the follow up of this story or the actions taken against these un-evolved society pricks! I guess the story wasn’t that “breaking news” material enough after a week or so. Thanks to our 24/7 ratings oriented fucks a.k.a Media.

And you; guess you were you patriotic enough to buy a flag and stick it on the dashboard of your car? You must have got a good price on that when you bargained with that little kid who sold you that at the traffic signal. It’s a big day for the billion plus of us, it is even more important to have the flag to show our patriotism and as a proof of being a good citizen. The kid's poverty or his right to education is none of your concern. Well done.

To me being Indian is not about waving flags once a year and writing posts to claim how unique we are. You are much better a citizen trying to help out the society in your own bits and pieces rather than a well scripted piece of literature that describes how, in spite of diversity why we (consider ourselves) the best. We are good at pointing fingers, but do not realize we are all standing in a big circle. Break the chain; take up initiative for the betterment of the society. No effort is too small. Shy? Get involved with groups that share similar concerns. Chasing the invaders out of the country more than half a century ago doesn’t mean we shouldn’t adopt some of their best practices. Be a good citizen first, in your own little ways- stop littering, follow the rules, abide by good work ethics even for the simplest of tasks, be polite, stop saying "we are like this only" to justify all your cheap thrills and most importantly stop using culture and tradition as an excuse or to justify your uneducated actions.

There are sentiments associated with celebrating this glorious day and it is a joyous sight to see the entire country celebrating it as a whole. But isn’t it high time to add meaning to to the celebration and not let it be just another holiday in a year?

Why do we do the things we do?

is it motivation, is it what we're programmed to do, is it society's influence on us; good or bad, what makes us drive and do things anyways.

ARK

Long time since I posted something up here (and somehow every freakin time, I start like this! :D) but a nice "incident" worthy of writing, hence...

Tonight, I happened to see a handicapped beggar crossing the road. He couldn't move his feet. He had "worn slippers" on his hands and used both arms to move. I had just then had a good meal and was waiting outside a store waiting for my mom to finish shopping. It was apparent from the way this guy looked that he wouldn't have had a decent meal since a long time.

Now,
None of the passerby cared to throw in a coin or two or help him out.
I had time to spare with nothing to do.
I could help this guy somehow.
A line of food vendors was just at a stone's throw distance.

Getting rid of the hesitation of having to go get something for this guy, I brought him a parcel of 4 idli's. I guess it wouldn't have filled his stomach, but it wouldn't leave him hungry for the night either. Anyways, I gave him the food and he gladly took it dug right in. He gestured he wanted water, which wasn't available around. And just when I was about to tell him this, a shop owner nearby saw this and gave me a bottle of water to give it to him. I then dropped some cash into his pocket hoping that he'll use it over food and left. Later when I was leaving the store, found him sleeping on the pavement. I walked off with a kind of happiness that I hadn't experienced in a really long time.

Well, the point is, each day we see people or situations like these. But its the hesitation or the "stage fright" of being watched by people that keeps us from helping them out. Get over it and lend a helping hand, do your bit, and there will always be people willing to back you up. And trust me, feeding the hungry is one heck of a gratifying experience. For those of you who have seen "The Buttefly Effect", they say- "It has been said something as small as the flutter of a butterfly's wing can ultimately cause a typhoon halfway around the world". Do your bit whenever given an opportunity and who knows, you just might inspire someone for greater things.


Try the "Pay it forward" concept, its fun.
Or try the "One Act of Random Kindness a day(ARK)".

Will scribble more, soon.

Adiós !

Please. Sorry. Thank you.

Well, it's been quite sometime since I scribbled something here.

My quick update since june'08:

* Attended the Graduation Ceremony of my Brother who completed his MS from RGU.
* Spent a month in Scotland, including a 3 day visit to London; had a great time.
* My dog, Rani, went missing just the day before we returned from the UK. :(
* Final year of Engineering began from August and I quite like the new set of friends.
* I turned 22 this November. Got a surprise at 12 midnight, which was kinda cool. :)

My perception about certain things have definitely changed over the past couple of months. The trip abroad helped me understand and realize that a momentary setback need not be the end, and that there are limitless number of opportunities provided you stay happy and learn to do things right and also be creative.

Something that I couldn't help but observe and appreciate about the Brits was how courteous they are. The most basic courteous words-Thank you, Please, Sorry is added to every appropriate sentence, every single time.

Then I tried remembering of how "WE THE PEOPLE"(like we always boast about, but actually do nothing) are when it comes to our communication skills and about being courteous. Its funny, most of our communication is half done. Test yourself, the next time you are talking to someone, count the number of times you stop half way when you think they know what the other half is going to be ! And you'd agree, most of these end with

"you know"
"like"
"exactly!(when the other person completes the rest of the sentence for you)"
"things like that"
"stuff like that"

And talk about being courteous among the "aam admi" ! The less said the better.

WE never say Thank you for a service done (yes, even the guy who fills in petrol is doing a service and deserves a thank you, regardless of whether he responds with "You are Welcome" are not).

Please is used only during critical situations (like asking a lecturer for more marks). Else its considered being "too formal".

Sorry. Well, this is one word which WE hate to say unless the consequences for the committed mistake is serious.

I had to write about this after some observation and thought to it. I agree that I too felt all this was too "trivial/ being very formal". But, a look outside the well showed its not, but actually a very essential part of one's personality.

Keep in mind to say thank you when someone does you a service, however small the action may be.

Prefix or suffix a Please to the sentence, when you are requesting for something, however small/trivial the request may be.

Say Sorry when you do something wrong, and mean it.

I believe in these small little efforts that add on to make a big difference. I just hope you consider this in your resolution list for the Year'09.

adiós !


PS: Guess this is my last post for '08. While you guys enjoy New year's eve, I'll be busy cramming for my exams :(

Happy New Year !